


Not Again

by orangeSlices



Category: All My Children
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 20:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14901101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangeSlices/pseuds/orangeSlices
Summary: Maggie is forced to deal with an attack mere months after Bianca’s encounter with Michael Cambias. How can she deal without making Bianca revisit her own painful experience?





	1. Chapter 1

She would drive out of Pine Valley, past Llanview and make her way to a hospital in Philadelphia. A city big enough to ensure her anonymity, a hospital where she knew no one and word wouldn't spread about what happened. She had to keep this to herself for her own sake and for her best friend. She couldn't risk Bianca breaking again.

Maggie gripped the steering wheel in an attempt to quell the tremor in her hands. Leaving behind the border of Pine Valley, blazing down the parkway toward the bigger city, she realized Bianca would be expecting her soon at the apartment they shared. They were supposed to go to a movie after Bianca finished at work for the day. She slowed the car and pulled over on the shoulder. She knew her mind was racing enough; trying to drive, dial, and lie to her best friend without crashing the car was asking too much. She winced as she squirmed in the driver's seat to reach the phone in her pocket–she must have a bruise there. Her whole body felt bruised. She hoped the marks would be minimal or, at least, quick-healing.

As she pulled Bianca's number from her contact list Maggie prayed for a voicemail.

Maggie was lucky. Where ever Bianca was, she had left her cell unattended. Bianca's voicemail picked up and Maggie left a message.

"Bianca, it's me. Listen," she paused and gulped down a breath. The words tumbled out. "I'm not going to make it to the movies tonight. Found out I've got an exam this week. I don't know, it must've slipped my mind. Anyway, yeah, I'll be at a late study group tonight, trying to prepare, you know? Don't wait up, okay? Sorry."

How sorry Maggie was. She flipped shut the phone, turned it off and tossed it onto the empty seat next to her. How sorry she was and how alone.

Cars breezed past hers without regard for the speed limit. She thought she caught glimpses of blurred faces in the passing windows, happy faces, headed God knows where. Where ever they were going, they were getting on with their lives. Moving towards something. Maggie though, Maggie was stuck on the events of the last hour. Her eyes began to water and her empty stomach churned. She tumbled out of the car and heaved stomach foam onto the dirt of the road's shoulder. She stood and got back in the car—she didn't need to be clipped by an oncoming vehicle to add to the horrible evening.

Back in the car Maggie spied on her face in the rear view mirror. Her lip was split and a smear of dried blood colored her chin. Her hair was a dark blonde fright wig, knotted and puffed out from the running, the struggle, being rubbed against dirty cement. Scratches on her face, a black eye forming. Her eyes. Her gaze hung on them. They were dead, hollow. Shaken, Maggie looked away and forced her eyes to check for approaching traffic. She pulled back onto the road.

Speeding past exits and getting closer to Philadelphia, Maggie wondered if she should be driving herself at all. After the men had left her crumpled on the ground in the alley, she grabbed for her phone in her pocket. She pressed the buttons for 911 but paused before hitting Send. Calling an ambulance would also bring police, she reasoned. Not only that but the ambulance would bring her to Pine Valley Hospital where she had many personal connections. David would find out. Everyone would know. Bianca, too. She couldn't have that. So, she had closed her phone and replaced it in her pocket. She emerged from the alley after waiting five minutes in hope that the men would be gone and found her car two blocks away. There was no other way.

Initially she considered going home, trying to forget the whole thing. But a look at her face and the pain she felt all over quickly convinced her of the impossibility of ignoring what had taken place. After what had happened to Bianca, Maggie also realized that she could become pregnant as a result of the ordeal. With this in mind, she made the decision to drive to Philadelphia to find a hospital to treat her physical wounds. She would worry about the emotional ones when she could think straight.

For now she would focus on the city lights of Philadelphia that were looming ahead. She entered the city and found a gas station to get directions to the nearest medical center.


	2. Chapter 2

After receiving directions to the hospital from a gas station attendant just inside the Philadelphia city limits, Maggie circled the road on the perimeter of the hospital property. She searched for the emergency room entrance and for the parking garage closest to it. To make things simple, there was only one parking garage. As she drove to a spot up on the fifth level she noted that the space was dimly lit and filthy as only a garage could be —through her slightly opened window the air was thick with the exhaust fumes of the hundreds of cars that had came and went, the cement she drove on was splattered with oil slick stains and trails of anti-freeze. Locking her car after parking, Maggie wished she hadn't come alone after all. No one would know where she was. Forcing this from her mind, she moved briskly toward the elevator that would take her to the ground floor where she would walk a long block to the ER entrance. Her eyes darted around, peering into shadows as she approached them, on the lookout for people lurking.

Twenty feet from the elevator, a man appeared from behind a cement pillar just as Maggie approached it. She gasped and froze – she hadn't sensed him there – and internally cursed her legs for locking up in fear.

"Spare a dollar, sweetheart?" The man was older than she, in his fifties, maybe, and hunched over in defeat. His long, scraggly beard and the hair that remained around his deeply receding hairline were the same color, a mix of gray and blond and dirt. When Maggie didn't respond he casually looked her over. She flinched. "Hey, what happened to you?" His voice was without malice, which Maggie noted through her brain fog, but as he took a step away from the pillar and toward her he became a threat again. It was the impetus Maggie needed to become unglued. Her feet freed themselves from their spot on the ground and she sprinted to the elevator. The man looked after her, puzzled by her reaction.

Reaching the elevator, Maggie opted instead for the adjacent stairwell. She couldn't stand to be in the garage for another second. She would be a sitting duck in the elevator anyway. She powered down the stairs, not giving a thought to the burning in her lungs, the stitch in her side. They were after her, she knew it. Maggie barely slowed as she rounded the corner from the stairwell to the exit to the sidewalk. She ran, full out, to the automatic sliding doors of the emergency room, passed through them and slammed into the rocklike figure of a security guard. Her small frame seemed to bounce off the guard and, stunned and winded, she fell to the floor flat on her backside.

The guard looked down at her, clearly peeved. He opened his mouth to yell at her but got a good look at her eyes, wide and brown and frantic, as she leaned back and rested her weight on her elbows. She thought she must be looking worse by now because the guard who was angry just a second before was now kneeling next to her, asking if she was all right. Clearly, she wasn't. Still frightened and was gasping for air, though she felt that it wasn't filling her lungs like it should. Her hands were trembling and she thought she felt her heart wrench itself out of her chest. She couldn't answer him. Couldn't even get away when he touched her shoulder and told her to relax and they would help her, that she was safe there.

Nurses came. She felt them gently lifting her off the floor and bringing her further back into the emergency room. The air from outside disappeared as they advanced down the hall. Not that Maggie would look at them or anywhere but the ceiling. As she calmed down she replayed in her mind the rush of events of the past five minutes. Her cheeks flushed thinking of the homeless man who probably thought she had lost her mind in the garage and the towering security guard she had treated like a pinball bumper just moments before. Where had her self-control gone? Where was the inner-strength and ability to file away difficult experiences that she had been perfecting since childhood?

"I'm sorry," she breathed. Her throat was dry. She still wouldn't look at anyone. "I don't know what got into me. Did I hurt the guard? I rammed into him pretty hard."

"Miss, we've seen more explosive entrances, don't worry. Life in a city ER. And Steve's fine. It'd take a lot more to dent him, that's why we keep him at the front door."

Maggie laughed hollowly. She glanced quickly at the second nurses in the curtained-off area they were in. She had her back to Maggie and was fiddling with equipment and rooting through drawers. Ordinarily, Maggie might ask questions to try to learn something about hospital procedure, but this was not one of those times. She stole a look at the nurse who had just been talking to her. She was standing next to the bed on which they had placed Maggie. The woman looked friendly, like someone who would listen.

Maggie returned her eyes to the ceiling, but addressed the friendly-looking nurse. "My name is Maggie Stone, well it's really Mary Margaret. I drove here from Pine Valley. It's not too far away, really. I couldn't go to the hospital in town. I know a lot of people who work there and I didn't want anyone to know what happened. I still don't want them to find out."

The other nurse was now at Maggie's side as well, taking her blood pressure and other standard assessments. All of that was on the periphery of Maggie's consciousness. Neither of these women would, or could, hurt her if they touched her. Everything about the place was clinical. It was true—she was safe here.

The nurse noticed the tension in Maggie's face slacken a bit. "Why don't you tell me what happened? Then we'll get a doctor to take a look at you."

Maggie chewed the inside of her cheeks. She finally looked at the nurse full in the face. She was old enough to be Maggie's mother and wearing purple scrubs with a floral print. Her brown hair was pulled back tight. The nurse was roundish, Maggie decided—soft around the edges. Someone who could give a hug that would shut out the rest of the world. She could tell her. She had to tell her. Reporting the problem and getting treatment was the reason she made the trip to the hospital in the first place.

Maggie muttered to herself, "Man up, Stone. Just say it."

"I'm sorry?"

"Nothing." Maggie took a deep breath despite the tightness in her throat that always accompanied unshed tears. "I mean, yes, something. It's just hard to say." She paused again. Another gulp of air. "I, um, two men attacked me. I was walking to my car and the street was empty. And they pulled me into an alley and I need a pregnancy test and whatever else you do when this happens to someone."

There. She had said it, although indirectly. But it was enough for the nurse to understand. Maggie got the impression the nurse already knew. She was sure the nurse had seen so many women before her presenting similar reactions that she had to have at least had a notion of what was wrong.

The second nurse moved away from the bed, saying she would send a doctor in shortly. Her blue pants swooshed as she walked to the curtain and left Maggie alone with the motherly one.

"My name is Beverly Connolly," the nurse said. "We're going to help you."

Tears leaked out of corners of Maggie's eyes, despite herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Maggie and Nurse Connolly waited in heavy silence for the doctor to arrive. Nurse Connolly had mentioned to Maggie, to prepare her, that the probability was high that her doctor would be a male because female physicians were outnumbered in the emergency department. When the nurse asked if Maggie wanted to wait for a female doctor, even though would lengthen her waiting time considerably, Maggie shrugged and quickly said she just wanted to get done as soon as possible. They stopped talking after that. Every few minutes Maggie would break through the silence with a light sigh as she shifted on the hospital bed or alternated which foot she jiggled.

The curtains to Maggie's emergency room space separated and a male doctor walked through. He took deliberate steps with long strides and was at the side of Maggie's bed, opposite Nurse Connolly, before an introduction had left his lips. Maggie clamped down her teeth on the inside of her cheeks and crossed her feet at the ankles, lightly bouncing both in concert before the doctor even said a word.

In that moment Maggie could see the clear division between her rational side and her emotional side. They battled internally and Maggie was ashamed to say her emotional mind was winning at the moment. Logically she knew that this man, a doctor, was there to help her. She knew, too, that she had told Nurse Connolly not ten minutes before that a male doctor would be fine. Why then was she about to bite through the flesh of her cheeks? It was as if the two sides of her brain were not communicating; there was no brokering for compromise. Maggie could vaguely hear her rational self in the distance, assuring that this man was fine, to trust him. Her emotional self, made of fear and guilt and shame, and powered by the energy of recent experience was in the forefront, trying its best to drown out the rational side in order to protect Maggie from enduring any more pain.

"Ms. Stone, my name is Mitchell Kulbertson. I've been a doctor in this ER for eleven years." Maggie dared herself to look at him. She noticed his eyes were dark and serious. His full head of hair was mostly brown, though tufts around his ears were graying. The doctor was slight of build and looked tired. Not a threat. "I understand you're here today because you have been assaulted sexually."

Maggie grimaced and nodded in response.

"I'm very sorry." Maggie detected sincerity in his voice, a flash of pity in his eyes. "Before we begin, I want to overview the treatment plan and discuss the options you have as well. Is that all right?"

"I have options? This isn't a one-shot deal? I wasn't aware."

"Yes, though there is a standard procedure to follow you also have choices to make after the medical examination. The first thing I will do is give check for serious bodily injuries that may require more immediate attention."

"I doubt you'll find anything too bad. I managed to drive here from Pine Valley without, you know, bleeding to death internally." Maggie stopped chewing her cheeks, her bouncing feet had stopped their dance.

"One thing to be grateful for," Nurse Connolly piped in.

"But we do want to be sure that nothing serious is missed. I'm sure you understand." Dr. Kulbertson resumed. "Following that, should there be no serious physical injuries, we will move to a more private room in the department. Here is where one of the choices comes in. You will be given a medical exam very similar to the usual gynecological visit. You can then decide if you also want to have an evidence collection procedure done—on television medical shows they'll call it a 'rape kit'."

"What's the difference between the medical exam and the evidence collection?"

"The first is more to do with your physical well-being. We will take samples to use in testing for sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy to establish how to treat you. Assuming the tests come back negative, we can give you a combination of antibiotics to prevent certain STDs. A course of antiretroviral medication that will last a month to reduce the risk of HIV infection as well as an HIV test is something else to consider, though that will be more thoroughly discussed later, as it is it's own process. We will test you for pregnancy if you want to be tested, and if that comes back negative as well, you have the option of taking an emergency contraceptive that will reduce the possibility of becoming pregnant from this attack. And there will also be a pelvic exam to check for injuries to the area." The doctor paused. "I'm sorry, I know it's a lot of information to process."

"No, it's okay. I'm glad to know in so much detail. The options will give me something to think about during the exam, right? You can tell me about the evidence collection now, Doctor. I'm following fine."

"Okay, as you might tell from the name, it is more geared toward procuring evidence of the attack from your body. Most find it very difficult to get through, but if it is completed, there is often impressive physical evidence on which to help identify the attacker and prosecute should he be found by police. That said, you would be under no obligation to complete the entirety of the procedure. Should it reach a point where you are no longer comfortable, we will stop. Part of it would be a detailed conversation with me about the incident, so I can document an account of what happened as it relates to any injuries you have sustained. It would involved collecting your clothes – we'll find replacements if you haven't brought any with you – for physical evidence. We would also take samples of hair, fingernail scrapings, and use cotton swabs to collect samples from your mouth and anal and vaginal areas." He paused as Maggie cringed visibly. "I'm sorry. Am I being too graphic?"

"This is no time for euphemisms, I know. It's just, really, really difficult to hear it laid out plainly like that. Like I'm a crime scene. Although, I suppose I am a crime scene. Oh, God." She paused as her stomach flipped, then continued. "The thing is, Doctor, I don't want to go to the police with it. Back at home I know too many people. My cousin's ex-wife was, until a couple of months ago, the town's chief of police. My best friend's uncle is the district attorney. I don't want anyone to know. I'm afraid it would destroy the people I love. It's very complicated."

Maggie's mind flashed to David, to Bianca. She imagined David's face twisted in rage and guilt. Bianca would be nothing but shocked eyes and tears. She wouldn't do this to them. They'd both seen enough in their lives not to have her drama added to the mix of their times of misery.

"I'm sure it is complicated. When it comes to the evidence collection though, I want you to understand, once the procedure is completed we hold onto the evidence here for up to six months. During this time, if you do decide to go to the police after all, the results of our examination and the evidence collected tonight can be forwarded to them for their investigation. You don't have to make a final decision about the police tonight to have the evidence collected."

In Maggie's heart she felt she would never report the incident to the police. However, life being as it is, she knew it was always best to have an alternate course of action. "Okay, I understand. Thank you for clearing that up. Would it be possible for Nurse Connolly to be present during the evidence collection? I came here alone and I think it would be helpful to have a friendly face in the room with me."

"I was going to ask her to assist in either procedure, so, she would be there, yes."

Maggie was in full rapport with her logical mind for the time being, though she did have a slight waver in her voice as she spoke. "I think it would be more prudent to have the evidence collection procedure done, Dr. Kulbertson."


	4. Chapter 4

The initial physical exam passed quickly enough. Maggie was put at ease by Dr. Kulbertson's detailed announcements of next steps before he touched her. As Maggie suspected, there were no serious bodily injuries. Her split lip didn't need a stitch, having stopped bleeding on its own and there would be bruises that would get worse before they got better, but they would heal. And so would she.

Maggie's interview with Dr. Kulbertson was not as easily accomplished. Certain items she breezed through—time of incident (a little after six in the evening) and location. Answering other questions, though, she choked on the answers. Nurse Connolly's hand on hers reassured Maggie enough to stumble through these. There were two men who pursued her and pulled her into the alley. She haltingly explained how they hurt her, restrained her with rough hands, struck her. By the end of the interview Maggie felt the need for a long nap, or maybe some time extended time alone to cry—she felt tears coming.

When the doctor's questions were done, Maggie asked for a break. Earlier, when Dr. Kulbertson explained the process, she knew it would be intense and painful. She didn't realize how overwhelmed she would feel. Maggie reasoned that she should have known, but caught up in the clinical description of the procedure, she didn't give a thought to her probably reactions. But she wouldn't stop the process completely. She made her choice and she would stick to it. She just needed a few minutes first.

Dr, Kulbertson and Nurse Connolly left her in the room alone as she'd requested. Maggie used the minutes to breathe deeply, combating the hitch in her chest. She wouldn't allow herself to cry now, though she very well could. The more she thought of not crying though, the more her eyes burned and her face twisted. Maggie forced her mind to the good things in her life to slow her racing heart. Bianca's face, which had a habit of lighting up whenever Maggie entered the room, David welcoming her to his side of her family and taking her under his wing. These were the people who loved her, who could count on her and vice versa. What a shame it was then that she couldn't go to either of them with this. Maggie would bear this alone. She had to and she was able.

When the doctor and nurse returned and the collection of evidence began, Maggie focused on telling herself she could handle this. She was strong. She'd grown up a Stone. She'd endured worse.

The clothes she'd worn now rested in paper bags. Dr. Kulbertson was talking, spewing words from underwater. She nodded at pauses in his speech where she thought questions were posed. Fingernails were scraped and clipped. Hairs plucked. She was fine. Blood was drawn. Fine.

She thought of Bianca. Bianca beaming at her baby's sonogram printout. Bianca rubbing her barely-protruding pregnant belly. Dr. Kulbertson was talking, bringing a Q-Tip to her face. Maggie couldn't hear. She was seeing Bianca sitting on the floor of Maggie's old dorm room, hungover on the morning of Erica's doomed wedding to Jack Montgomery. Beautiful Bianca shaking, crying, in a state she didn't deserve to be in. No one deserved it. Maggie gasped loudly, wrenched away from her imagination by the reality staring her in the face.

"Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I'm fine. It's fine."

Dr. Kulbertson was gentle, patient. "Do you want to stop?"

"No, no. Just do what has to be done. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, dear," said Nurse Connolly.

"I'm about to start the pelvic exam, Maggie. All right?" asked the doctor.

"Right. Okay."

Maggie didn't know how long it took for the exam to be completed. It felt like hours, such was the misery. Though the doctor's touch was nothing but clinical, Maggie couldn't help feeling the hands of her attackers instead. She knew it wasn't real, but that knowledge didn't stop the memories from playing out on her body. Photos were taken. She hated herself.

An hour after the exam was completed the doctor returned to Maggie's room. He came bearing the results of the test for pregnancy, a negative she expected. The tests for sexually transmitted diseases would take a few more days to come back and the initial HIV test, longer still. In light of the pregnancy negative, Maggie elected to take an emergency contraceptive in addition to the preventative doses of antibiotics and antiretrovirals. In the case of the sexually transmitted diseases, Maggie would need to be tested again in a few weeks to determine her status attributable to the incident. She wasn't particularly worried about the results of the evening's test, as her personal history was rather cut and dry. She pushed the thought of the future tests out of her mind, content to hope that taking prescriptions now would lessen her risk. HIV testing was it's own ordeal, and she wouldn't be able to rest about it for the next six months, as it could take that long to show in her test results.

The prescriptions were filled at the hospital pharmacy. Dr. Kulbertson gave her the bottles and blister packs, all containing several doses with different instructions. He explained each one and wished her good luck before leaving for another patient. It struck her as an odd way to end their exchange, though she supposed her luck had been pretty shoddy considering the day's events.

Nurse Connolly, who hadn't left Maggie alone, even after the examination, recruited a security guard (Steven, the pinball bumper guard from earlier was off-duty) to walk herself and Maggie to Maggie's car in the parking garage. Maggie had explained to her the encounter with the homeless man that sent her running into the emergency room. Though the nurse had appealed to her that it would be best to call someone to pick her up, Maggie wouldn't budge. The nurse had to content herself in ensuring the young woman made it to the car safely.

The trio walked in relative silence, except for the rustling in her purse of aftercare paperwork and recommendations for counseling Maggie might pursue that Dr. Kulbertson gave her. The assortment of prescription preventative measures bounced within their bottles, in time with Maggie's steps. They arrived at Maggie's car, having encountered no one on their way.

"I'll can drive you both back to the ER. Thank you for walking with me."

The nurse and the security guard climbed into the back seat of Maggie's car. She felt like a cabbie. After paying at the exit gate, Maggie drove the short distance to the emergency room entrance. The guard left the car without a word while Nurse Connolly sat for a moment. Maggie turned to face her.

"Take care of yourself, Maggie. Find someone you can trust to talk to about this. It will help you immeasurably." The nurse reached around Maggie's headrest to touch the young woman's shoulder. "Be well," she said.

"Thank you for all your help. You have to idea what it means to me, really."

The nurse, her eyes full of warmth, gave Maggie a small, slightly sad smile, then left the car and headed toward the emergency room entrance.

Maggie sighed heavily and pulled her car into traffic, ready for the drive back to Pine Valley. She began to feel a new kind of dread as she thought of what Bianca would say when she turned up wearing someone else's clothes with bruises all over her face. If there was any mercy left for her, Maggie would arrive home to find Bianca asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

The drive home seemed much shorter than the trip to Philadelphia. Pulling into a spot not far from her building's entrance, Maggie rubbed her eyes and immediately regretted it as the skin around her left eye vehemently protested her touch, radiating with pain. She accidentally scratched her cheek with the plastic hospital bracelet that circled her wrist. When had they put it on her? She would have to cut it off upstairs.

Upstairs. As she walked, keys in hand, to the front door of the building Maggie glanced up at the window belonging to the apartment she and Bianca shared. The lights were off. With luck it would prove to indicate that Bianca was asleep and not laid out on the couch with a movie playing on their modest television setup.

As she walked up the stairs to her floor, Maggie pulled at the hospital bracelet. She was surprised when the plastic easily warped and she was able to pull her hand through. She slipped the distorted ID into the pocket of the sweatshirt they'd given her at the hospital as she approached the apartment door. Maggie turned the key in the deadbolt lock slowly, trying to minimize the loud crack that usually accompanied it. The second lock was generally quieter, but she remained equally cautious as she engaged it with the key. Gently pushing open the door and creeping over the threshold, Maggie was filled with a rush of relief. From across the room she could hear Bianca's snoring (though Bianca swore Maggie fabricated it. Kane women didn't snore.).

Maggie locked the door and put the chain lock in place before going through one of her drawers looking for pajamas. She fished out clothes that were thick, fuzzy to the touch. Maggie headed for the bathroom where she would finally take the shower she'd been looking forward to since the evening. They had offered her one at the hospital after the examinations were completed, but Maggie wanted to get home as fast as possible. Besides, she knew the hospital shower wouldn't offer what she wanted: hot water, not warm, and no time limit.

She also wanted the full-length mirror that hung on the bathroom door in her apartment. At the hospital, when they asked Maggie to stand on an oversized piece of paper while she disrobed, she had done so without allowing her eyes to look at her body. All she had seen of herself in the aftermath of the attack was her face in the car's rear-view mirror. Alone in the bathroom she was ready to give into the morbid curiosity, to survey the damages to herself.

Maggie ran the water of the shower, letting it heat before she went in. She took the opportunity, standing in the middle of the cramped bathroom and in line with the mirror to remove the clothing inherited from the emergency room, leaving it in a messy pile at her feet. Maggie stifled a gasp in reaction to her reflection. The black eye continued to worsen, as expected. Along her collarbone and chest, the skin was blotched with pink irritation and light gray bruising. She ran her palm along the area lightly, reflexively, and flinched. Maggie didn't make the same error with her hips—she kept her hands away, averted her eyes. She turned away from the mirror and looked over her shoulder to get a view of her back. Fiery abrasions covered her lower back where her jacket and shirt had ridden up, leaving the skin vulnerable to the dirty concrete of the alley and the repetitive motions. Her stomach rolled. She remember Dr. Kulbertson applying some kind of dressing or gauze. Perhaps it was stuck inside the borrowed sweatshirt. She turned her head abruptly, no longer able to stand herself. The mirror was fogging up anyway.

She showered until some nighthawk in her line of apartments flushed a toilet and the shower scalded her already burning back. After sufficiently drying off and pulling on her soft pajamas, Maggie gathered the pile of hospital clothes and headed for bed. She finally allowed herself to give into exhaustion, dropping the clothes on the couch and tangling her feet in them as when she stretched out. Maggie pulled forward the quilt that sat on the back of the couch and wrapped herself in it. As minutes passed, she realized finding a comfortable position to sleep might be impossible. No matter on what side she tried to rest her weight, some part of her body either stung or thudded with pain.

She eventually settled on her back and watched the time on the cable box clock change minute by minute until the stinging stopped. Before her eyes closed, she noticed the time was 4:26.

Maggie felt a hand around her wrist, shaking it. Someone was calling her name. Her eyes popped open in a panic.

"What? What happened?" Maggie's heart was pounding in her ears. Where was she?

"I went to get a glass of water and heard you whimpering," said Bianca. "Are you all right?"

Maggie couldn't answer. Everything that happened came rushing back to her mind and it woke her fully. Her body ached worse than before she'd fallen asleep.

"Maggie?" Bianca reached for the lamp's switch. Light flooded the space around them. Maggie squinted. "Maggie! What on earth happened to your face?"


	6. Chapter 6

"Maggie?" Bianca reached for the lamp's switch. Light flooded the space around them. Maggie squinted. "Maggie! What on earth happened to your face?"

Maggie had given some thought to this question while she watched the cable box clock advance before she'd fallen asleep. Still, she was caught off-guard.

"Bianca, hi," Maggie stalled. "It looks that bad, huh?"

"Like a badly fought boxing match—what happened?"

"Funny you should put it that way. It's fine. It'll be fine." Where was her brain? How far buried was the excuse? She shook her head, physically trying to clear mental filters thrown on by sleep.

"Funny? Someone hit you. Who hurt you? I'll kill them."

"Whoa, okay, no. First of all, Rambo, you're not fighting anyone. Not with the precious cargo you're carrying. Second of all, I just got caught in the middle of two angry men." That much was true. Maggie gulped down a breath.

Bianca's eyes went wide, her eyebrows arched high, imploring for more explanation.

"We were studying, a bunch of the organic chem kids. And the group went really late." Maggie was in it now. She could practically see the fiction play out as she composed it. "Anyway, we went over to S.O.S afterward for some food. Figured we deserved the break, right? And one of the guys got into it with some random drunk guy. Somehow I wound up in the line of fire. Someone's elbow got me in the face. I hoped it wouldn't bruise, but hey. Can't win them all, right? So, there's no need to get upset. It's no good for you anyway." Her mouth wouldn't stop. Maggie would have kept rambling assurances had Bianca not interrupted.

"Okay, Maggie. Did you get it checked out? You could have had your cheek broken or something, you know?" Bianca reached out and rested her hand on Maggie's arm. "Are you sure you're okay?" she resumed with alarm. "You're shaking."

Maggie wriggled out of Bianca's light grasp and shifted quickly into a sitting position on the couch. Bianca tilted off to the left as the room spun before Maggie's eyes. She clamped them shut and spoke. "Bianca, it's fine. If I'd been caught with a fist, then I'd be concerned about a broken face. But it was just an accidental elbow, okay? Please don't worry. Please."

"Are—"

"I will," Maggie paused and started again. "I mean, my face will heal. Don't stress it. Let's just go back to sleep, okay? I'm sorry I woke you."

Bianca could see there was no use prodding Maggie. Her friend had put up a wall for sure, and it wasn't about to be broken through at this early morning hour. Bianca looked at Maggie, full in the face, and took in the fearful downcast eyes of her best friend. She wouldn't push, but she definitely wouldn't let it go, either. Bianca stood up and turned off the lamp light.

"You didn't wake me," said Bianca. "I was already up. We'll talk later. Get some rest."

"Right. Okay," Maggie said from the couch. "I'm sorry I scared you with the face."

"Don't apologize. Good night."

Bianca lay awake for hours. She replayed Maggie's words in her mind sticking on Maggie nearly saying she would heal, but amending the sentence to indicate her bruised face instead. It reminded Bianca of words she had said to herself in the recent months, following Michael's attack. But surely she was projecting her own experience and feelings onto Maggie. This was not about her and her problems, this was Maggie. Completely different. Bianca's stomach flipped.

As Bianca denied the thoughts marching through her mind, she heard Maggie start up again in the throes of a nightmare. It pained her to listen to her friend in such a state, but she knew another confrontation would be fruitless. Filling Bianca's mind were the wooshing sound of blankets and fabric rubbing together as Maggie thrashed on the couch, the woman's whimpering growing louder and nearly to full-blown cries. The cacophony crescendoed and, suddenly with a gasp, completely quieted. Bianca heard Maggie shift on the couch, probably to a seated position. Everything was quiet, save for the hiss of the heating system. For a long minute Bianca held still, afraid to breathe and blow her cover.

Without any warning, Maggie swiftly made her way down the hallway to the bathroom. Bianca heard the faucet running full blast, and, moments later, over the noise of the splashing water was the sound of Maggie heaving.

What in the hell was going on? Forgetting the notion of staying quiet, Bianca scrambled out of bed and to the bathroom door. She knocked loud enough to be heard over the rushing of the bathroom sink's tap and called for her friend. No answer. She jiggled the handle, but Maggie had locked the door.

Maggie had dreamt of hands. Pulling, pushing, grabbing, touching where she didn't want to be touched. Innumerable pairs of hands, cut off at the elbows, with all the force of linebackers behind them. No faces, no voices, just hands everywhere. They wouldn't stop even after she woke and tried think herself back to reality. She cursed herself for being weak, for letting her mind overtake her in such a way as to send her fleeing to the bathroom to vomit up the contents of her empty stomach. And for what? To wake Bianca again, after all the work Maggie had put in to keep the events of the past night from her. And there was no way Bianca would let it go now, though she was humoring Maggie before anyway. That much Maggie knew. Bianca would always have her pegged. They could see into each other's souls in that way, though Bianca would always be a little better at reading Maggie, she was sure. And so, realizing that she would have to tell Bianca the truth, failing to hide it for even a full night, Maggie started to cry. Hunched over the toilet, the most undignified of places to have a breakdown, Maggie's eyes let loose big tears. Once she started, it was almost impossible to stop. So much had happened in such a short time—less than a day—that she couldn't even intellectualize the outpouring of grief. She could hear Bianca knocking and talking to her from the other side of the door. Maggie tried desperately to suck back the sobs, but nothing would work. The wall she tried to build was in chunks on the floor around her, demolished by her instincts and emotion.

"Maggie, please open up. You're scaring me. Please!" Bianca was pounding on the door.

Maggie crawled, still sobbing, to the sink. Reached up and turned off the faucet. She caught herself in the mirror that hung on the door: her face was flushed and twisted, her eyes red, her cheeks full of tear tracks. How could she do this to Bianca? How could someone have done this to her? How could she let herself fall apart?

She heard Bianca sigh as the sound of the water stopped. "Maggie," Bianca pleaded. "please unlock the door and talk to me."

"God, Bianca," Maggie said, finding her voice. "Please don't make me do this to you."

"Just unlock the door. It'll be fine, whatever it is. We'll face it together."

Maggie knew she couldn't stay holed up in the bathroom forever. She knew if she held out much longer, Bianca would trot out the idea of calling David and that was the last thing Maggie wanted. To tell them both at once would be too much to bear. She'd rather drown herself in the tub, though that would be a lot for Bianca and David to handle as well. Her sobs continued, interrupted by hiccups as she struggled to catch her breath. Still on the floor, diverting her eyes from her shameful reflection, she reached up and unlocked the bathroom door.

Bianca was at her side in a second, down on the floor with her hands cupping Maggie's face. "What is going on?"

Maggie scooted backwards, away from Bianca. Her angel and tormentor rolled into one. "Please, just don't touch me, okay? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry to be freaking out. It's the last thing you need, I know." Fresh tears sprang to her eyes and her throat constricted. "I can't believe this. I can't. I didn't want to do this to you. You have to understand that, okay? I wanted to hide it so badly. You don't need this. I'm just going to make things worse for you. And that's the last thing I wanted. You have to believe that, Bianca."

Bianca's head was spinning. She'd never seen Maggie so unglued. "Maggie, Maggie," Bianca said soothingly. "Look at me and listen to me, okay. I want you to stop talking. Stop talking, stop thinking. You're making yourself sick, okay? Just breathe for a minute."

But Maggie was in the midst of a full-on meltdown in the middle of their shared bathroom. Stopping herself now seemed impossible. Breathing regularly without a hiccup, a sharp sob, or a gasp was a novel idea. She locked eyes with Bianca, and Bianca's face, full of good intentions, was brutal to behold. Maggie knew she held the story that would turn that good, calming face into a mask of anguish—full of the misery of her own memories.

Bianca was at a loss. Across from her, Maggie was very clearly having a panic attack. She eyed the shower and an idea came to mind to bring Maggie around to her senses. Bianca stepped into the shower and moved the door in order to have a clear view of her friend. She angled the shower head in Maggie's direction and cranked the cold water full blast. They could always mop the floor. It seemed harsh, but it was all Bianca could think of that didn't involve touching her best friend.

Maggie howled for just a moment as the cold blast rained down on her. She tried to get out of the way but felt glued to the spot, exhausted as she was after her emotional outpouring. A puddle formed around her on the bathroom tile. As Bianca noticed Maggie become more composed and start to take slower gulps of air, she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, apologizing profusely for the treatment.

"Bianca, oh my God. I'm so sorry." Maggie said, subdued.

"Shh, it's okay. You're okay. Can I help you up?"

Maggie gave Bianca her hand, but tried to bear most of the effort herself by pushing her herself up with a hand on the toilet seat. Bianca shouldn't be doing heavy lifting, and Maggie certainly felt weighted down. Together they walked out of the bathroom, Maggie dripping water down the hallway. Bianca led Maggie to a kitchen chair, turning on the lights as the walked, and had her sit.

"Let's get you into some dry clothes, okay?" said Bianca wearily.

"I have a lot to explain. I'm so, so sorry."

"Please, Maggie. Stop apologizing. Whatever it is, you don't need to apologize." Bianca returned to her friend's side with a new set of nightclothes and a robe. "Let's get you out of these and dry you off. I'm sorry about the water, but I didn't know how else to calm you down."

Bianca reached for Maggie's pajama top and began to pull it up, but stopped when Maggie flinched. She looked at her friend questioningly. "Would you rather I let you do it? I didn't mean to scare you."

"No, Bianca. It's not that. The water, it just made the shirt stick to my back and it stings. I think I'll need your help anyway it's just, we need to pull it up from the back and slowly." Maggie stood up from the chair and turned around so her friend could grab at the back of her shirt. She continued. "I don't know how bad it looks now. It's probably not too great."

Bianca's mind swam with questions about what had happened to her friend. First her face, now her back? But Bianca was more concerned with keeping Maggie calm than getting information at this point, and so she held back the inquiries and instead tried to brace herself for whatever she was about to see.

She lifted Maggie's shirt slowly, like her friend requested, and was shocked by the angry red skin that crossed Maggie's lower back. Maggie cried out as Bianca peeled the shirt away. Maggie felt like she was on fire.

"I, um, it doesn't look too good, no," Bianca stammered. She was dying to ask what had caused this. She tried to conjure possible explanations of the bruised face and raw flesh, but didn't like anything her mind suggested.

"If you hand me the robe, I'll put it on and take care of the rest of the clothes from underneath it, okay? I really am terribly sorry, Bianca. What a way to start your day."

"Stone, for the love of God. Do not apologize to me again. I am here for you, you're all that matters to me right now. My day be damned. It doesn't make a difference."

As Maggie fumbled with the wet pajama pants while wrapped in the robe, Bianca left her to her privacy. She nabbed some towels from the closet and threw them down on the water in the bathroom. She flushed the remnants of Maggie's panic attack down the toilet.

Returning to the kitchen area, Bianca sat in the chair next to Maggie. "Okay," Bianca said. "Without apologizing, because I don't want to hear those words come out of your mouth again today, tell me what you were trying to hide from me. What has you so torn up?"

Maggie chewed her bottom lip. It still felt raw. "Okay." She breathed deeply, slowly. "Okay, you have to understand, Bianca. I didn't want to lie. I thought I had to and that I could sustain it. I thought I could hide it like you did after what Michael did to you. You kept it all wrapped up, and I know you don't want to talk about this, and I know, ultimately, it was best for you to talk about it and I'm so glad you were able to trust me enough to tell me what happened. But me, having that knowledge of what the whole thing did to you, I couldn't make you go through it again so soon. And that's just what's going to happen. And I feel awful about it, that I couldn't even make it a day without spilling it to you. What kind of friend am I to drag you down this path with me when you're still on your own?"

Bianca was suddenly numb as she realized what Maggie was saying. A cool detachment swept over her body and she was thankful for it. "Listen to me, Maggie. If you're saying what I think you're saying, then I am exactly the person you can and should talk to about it, okay? After everything you've done for me these past few months, keeping secrets with me, helping me open up and get the story out of myself, I am just the person you should be able to come to. And you should know more than anyone, after watching me try to hide what happened from my mother, that trying to hide will eat you alive. Don't hide from me. Tell me what happened."

"Oh God, I'm sorry. Okay" Maggie's voice cracked. "I went down to the clinic today…"


	7. Chapter 7

In the aftermath of Maggie's revelations about the previous evening, Bianca could think of nothing to say. Stunned by the details, even though they were vague because Maggie wanted to spare both herself and Bianca from visualization, Bianca felt completely ineffective as a confidante and friend. She wondered if Maggie felt the same way when she had listened to Bianca's own tale about Michael Cambias. It was all Bianca could do to clasp Maggie's hand in her own and reassuringly squeeze.

Maggie registered the blank look and silence of her friend and wished she could have kept the secret. Over the past few months Bianca had made great strides in dealing with the fallout from the Michael Cambias attack, embracing the pregnancy and resolving to love the baby despite its origins. The deer in the headlights look her friend displayed now made Maggie worry that she had just undone Bianca's progress with a brief fumbling description that glossed over as much as possible. She wanly returned Bianca's hand squeezes.

The pair sat in silence for long, awkward minutes, both unsure of how to proceed. Maggie turned to the window and noticed for the first time the sun streaming into the apartment. An opportunity.

"Wow, I didn't realize it had gotten so late. I know I kept you from sleeping well and all, but I shouldn't stop you from getting on with your day too. Did you have stuff you needed to do today? I forget." She withdrew her hand from Bianca's and lethargically lay it in her lap.

Bianca noted Maggie's obvious attempt at a topic change and could tell she was through discussing what had happened to her for now. She wished she could channel the strength everyone always said she possessed in order to help Maggie—to keep her talking, to stop her from trying to run away. Bianca most feared Maggie would fall back into her running defense and that if she left her alone, she would return to the apartment and find Maggie had vanished.

"I am supposed to put in an appearance at Enchantment this morning and then I have an appointment with David this afternoon. I can bail on them if you want company though. It's up to you."

Maggie's eyes widened at the mention of David. "You're going to the clinic? You can't go over to Front Street! It isn't safe. What if they're back out on that street again, Bianca?" Forgotten was the awkward silence and the guilt of telling Bianca what happened. Maggie reached for Bianca's hands and fiercely gripped them. "Go to Enchantment, but have David meet you here. Or at his place. Anywhere but the clinic, please. Please, you can't go there. I can't go back and I'll be out of my mind worried about you the whole time you're down there."

This was the most animated Bianca had seen Maggie since before she turned the showerhead on her. Even when relating the story of the attack and the trip to Philadelphia, Maggie had an air of detachment, like an emotional numbness had overtaken her. Bianca scolded herself internally for even mentioning David. How could she be so thoughtless?

"Maggie, okay," Bianca said gently. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bring up the clinic. I'll call David and ask him to meet me here after his shift then. Maybe he can look at your back while he's here, anyway? The scrapes looked like they could be infected maybe. What do you think about that?"

Maggie's brow furrowed. While her whole body dully ached, her back did feel as though it was emitting heat. She tried to remember losing the bandage that had covered the wounds, but couldn't pinpoint when it had detached from her skin or what she could blame for dirtying the scrapes. Not that it mattered much anyway. She realized there was no point in hiding from David either. There was no use in pretending everything was fine and could be blamed on drunken pre-med male student bravado now that Bianca knew the truth. She would need to explain why she could never visit him at the clinic or continue the clinic internship, anyway. Maggie hadn't had a chance to work on a excuse for that yet.

Bianca scrutinized her friend's face, which had taken on a perplexed, scrunched up look. Bianca shook her hands, which were still in Maggie's grip, in an attempt to bring Maggie out of her musing. "Maggie, do you want me to stay home and just call David to come over now?"

"Wait, what?" Maggie said, the spell broken. "I'm sorry, I just was thinking that I hadn't even prepared to talk to David. You don't have to call him now for me, I'm fine. But yeah, I should talk to him later and my back does hurt so, it'd be a good idea. Bianca, I was just so tied up in keeping it from you that I didn't even think of what I would say to David. How can I tell him that I won't be going back to the clinic ever? I need to withdraw from the internship and everything. I'm sure another student will be thrilled to take my place, though. There's no way around telling him though, is there? The secret is out anyway, right?"

"Listen, you don't need to make any permanent decisions today. Don't drop out of the internship yet. Arrange some time off. I'm sure with the circumstances being what they are, the clinic would be accommodating. I bet David would even do the talking for you if you wanted. And about David, you know he loves you and will want to help in any way he can, just like he's doing for me by keeping quiet about the baby, you know? Not that you're going to need to hide a pregnancy or anything, but you know what I mean. He'll be a great source of support, and you need all of it that you can get right now, I know."

"You're right, I know. But I really don't think I'll ever be able to go back over to the clinic after this." Maggie let out a big yawn. "God, wow. That sounded like a bear was let loose in the apartment. I think I need to go back to sleep." Maggie stood up from the kitchen chair and stumbled forward.

Bianca reached out and steadied her. "Whoa, okay, Maggie. Let me help you. You can crash in my bed. It's bigger and I need to get ready for Enchantment anyway." Bianca guided her friend over to her bed, helped her in and draped the covers across her. "Are you sure you don't want me to get David on the phone now?"

"I don't need him now, no. I'm just exhausted. But thank you," Maggie said thickly.

"Okay. I'm going to get some water and leave it for you on the nightstand. Maybe some toast too? Get something in your stomach." It was the least Bianca could do.

"The thought of food, not so good," Maggie said drowsily. Her heavy eyelids were winning in their bid to close, despite the bright sunlight surrounding her. "Oh, crap," she resumed a little brighter. "I need to take a couple of pills. I forgot. Can you grab them for me? They should be at the end of the couch, somewhere. Either in my purse or the pocket of the sweatshirt in the ball of clothes? I don't remember."

"Yeah, sure thing," Bianca said. Bianca made her way to the couch and dug through the bundle of clothes for the sweatshirt. Finding it, she fished through the pockets and came up only with a flat strip of plastic. She removed it and examined it briefly. It was the gnarled hospital bracelet bearing Maggie's name and that of the emergency department of the Philadelphia hospital. Bianca shook her head, unable to imagine how Maggie had felt undergoing the whole trip to Philadelphia alone. She wished Maggie hadn't invented the study group meeting instead of confiding in her from the beginning. When Bianca had to submit to an exam by David, someone she knew and trusted, she found it exceedingly difficult even with Maggie's support and hand-holding. She couldn't fathom how it would have been to go it alone, to put her care in strangers so soon after being hurt so badly. Maggie certainly was strong, but also misguided. Bianca hoped her friend hadn't made things more difficult on herself by trying to protect her.

Bianca located the paper bag full of pills in Maggie's purse and read the various dosage instructions. She sorted out the appropriate medications and her heart skipped a beat. What if one of those horrible men had a disease? What if Maggie caught something and became ill? Bianca supposed that was the reason for all the pills, that they would stop these issues from developing. But nothing was 100% effective.

She needed to pull herself together. Bianca was chewing on her bottom lip, caught up in the idea of losing Maggie and realized that Maggie was probably doing the same thing to herself. Maggie needed Bianca to put aside her own fears and to be strong for her. Bianca had to beat back the fear and negative thoughts and present a positive outlook that Maggie would be able to cling to. She could do that; she was strong enough.

With the pills in order, Bianca grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen for Maggie. She brought it all back to the bed and placed the glass on the night stand and peered down at her friend. Maggie had started dozing and looked relatively peaceful despite her awfully bruised face. Bianca hated to disturb her, but the pills were important. She lay a hand on Maggie's shoulder and delicately shook her. Maggie startled awake with a shriek. Her eyes were wide and wild.

"It's okay, it's just me. It's Bianca."

"Bianca," Maggie panted. "God, I'm sorry. I'm such a mess. What's the matter? Are you okay?"

"Everything is fine," Bianca said gently, leaning over edge of the bed and looking at Maggie's suddenly tortured face. "I just brought you the pills you said you needed. And some water."

"Oh, right. Sorry. Thank you," Maggie said wearily as she sat up, wincing. She grabbed the water and the pills and quickly took them all, the sooner to lay back flat in the bed. "I'm sorry for everything, Bianca."

"Please stop apologizing. There's no reason for it. I'm sorry you have to go through this," Bianca said. She leaned over and placed her lips gently on Maggie's forehead. "You're not alone," Bianca whispered as she stood up.

Bianca left Maggie to fall asleep and went to shower. As she ran the water to let it heat, Bianca went about picking up the soggy towels from the floor, leftover from drenching Maggie to clear her panic. She couldn't halt the assault on her brain of the image of Maggie frantically folding in on herself on the tiled floor in the grips of anxiety and memories. There was no way Bianca would leave Maggie alone today to go to Enchantment. Though she might run the risk of Maggie feeling smothered, much the same way Bianca felt when Maggie hovered over her the day of Erica's wedding, she felt it was worth it to ensure that Maggie had someone around her that understood should she want to talk.

Bianca showered quickly, dried off and changed into the clothes she'd brought into the bathroom with her. She wrapped her hair in a towel and decided to clean the apartment. She wouldn't be able to nap now and needed something to eat up the time while Maggie slept and she waited for David to finish working at the clinic. Before she started straightening up, Bianca realized she hadn't yet called into Enchantment or David to reschedule her day's commitments. She grabbed her phone and brought it back into the bathroom, closing the door in an effort not to disturb Maggie, who was breathing to the slow rhythm of sleep.

Getting out of Enchantment was easy. She left a message with her mother's assistant and called it a day. David, on the other hand provided a bit more of a challenge. She grappled with the idea of telling him herself what had happened and why he needed to come over to the apartment, but she knew it was Maggie's story to tell, not her own. Bianca settled, instead, on modifying the truth to suit what was necessary.

"Hi, David," she said into her cell phone after the clinic's receptionist had alerted him to her call. "Would you mind if we rescheduled my appointment? Maggie and I both had a late night and I don't think I'm going to be able to make it this afternoon. I'm about to go back to sleep."

"You don't sound like yourself, Bianca. Are you all right? Is Maggie there now?"

"I'm fine, David. Maggie's asleep right now, actually. There's a long story involved. Do you have time after work today to stop by?"

"I can leave now," said David. He didn't like the cryptic manner in which Bianca was speaking.

"No, David, that's not necessary. We're both probably going to sleep all day. But after your shift, what do you say? I'll order dinner and we can all talk." This was not as easy as Bianca thought it would be.

"Fine then. I'll be there at six. Are you sure you're okay and you don't need me now?"

"We'll be okay until the evening, David. Thanks for understanding." She disconnected the call quickly before David would have a chance to inquire further. He was too persistent to try to put off for long.

She slipped the phone into her pocket and headed back to the living room to start picking up. Perhaps she would dust, too.

As Bianca was straightening the blankets on the couch she felt her heart crack in two. She turned her head to focus her hearing on Maggie's sleep-talking. Maggie was muttering Bianca's name and apologies and choruses of "No!" while trashing under the covers. Bianca stood, transfixed, for long minutes while this went on, unable to move herself to wake Maggie from whatever dream held her captive. Unlike Maggie's nightmare of a few hours before, this one eventually subsided without waking her and her breathing returned to its normal rhythm. Maggie needed to sleep in order for her body to heal, Bianca knew, no matter how fitful her dreams were.

Bianca continued to clean the apartment, making it as spotless as possible without the use of a vacuum. She made toast for herself and Maggie and left Maggie's on the night table. She took her phone back into the bathroom and phoned in a delivery order from the local supermarket. The order was full of comfort food. They would both need it. Bianca also asked for several kinds of antibiotic creams to be included in the order. She wasn't sure what would be good for Maggie's back, but thought the options would be helpful so David could tell her what would be best.

With nothing left to occupy her mind except waiting, Bianca went back to bed, laying next to Maggie, who was whimpering again. She grabbed Maggie's hand and held it until she finally fell into a dreamless sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Maggie was pulled from sleep by a loud banging noise. As she took stock of where she was—curled up on Bianca's bed—she realized the noise was someone knocking on the door to the apartment. The men had found her! They found her and they were back for more. She had to protect Bianca, who was asleep next to her with her hands resting protectively on her belly. Maggie registered the scene and knew she couldn't ask a pregnant woman to go into battle with her, she would have to face them down herself.

The knocking continued and Maggie sucked down a deep breath. As quietly as she could, she rolled out of bed and made her way to the kitchen, heading straight for the utensil drawer. Maggie grabbed a steak knife and turned for the door. She took a last look at Bianca, who was oblivious under the cover of sleep, and then to the knife, which was shaking in her hand. She had to protect herself and her family. Maggie wouldn't allow harm to come to any of them.

Armed with the knife and a sense of purpose, Maggie sprang toward the door, all the aches and soreness in her body crowded out of her mind by the threat. Soundlessly she pressed her unbruised eye up to the peephole to get a look at the men. She deflated. On the other side of the door was a woman with a cart full of plastic bags. It was a grocery delivery. The woman looked impatient as she rapped shortly on the door once more.

Maggie flung the knife to the floor in the corner, where the opened door would hide it from view, and fumbled with the chain, the deadbolt, the door knob. Bianca stirred at the sound of the locks being engaged and sleepily called out to Maggie as she raised herself out of bed.

"It's a delivery," Maggie clarified in a flat voice. Opening the door to the woman, Maggie apologized for the delay. "We were asleep, sorry. What do I owe you?"

The delivery woman rolled her eyes without giving Maggie a glance.

Bianca, now at Maggie's side, said "I paid with my card already," and handed the delivery woman a folded bill. "Thanks for your trouble."

The delivery woman's impatience cleared after a glance at the tip. "Where do you want the bags?"

"Just dump them out here. That'll be fine," Bianca said, stifling a yawn.

As the woman deposited grocery bags on the floor, Bianca brought them to the kitchen. All Maggie could do was hang onto the doorknob with her shaking hands. She bit down on the inside of her bottom lip in an attempt to focus all the nervous energy she felt racing through her that had been cued up by an imaginary target.

The delivery woman left without a word and Maggie leaned against the door until it crashed shut. Maggie locked all three locks and pressed her forehead against the door as she silently slid down to her knees. She tasted blood; she'd bitten through the inside of her lip.

Bianca had her back to all of this as she was half in the refrigerator, trying to finagle the placement of containers of pre-made mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese. Turning to claim the last of the grocery bags from the living room, Bianca saw Maggie slumped on the floor and rushed to her with alarm.

"Maggie? What's wrong?" Bianca dropped down to be at eye-level wit her friend, grabbed Maggie's shoulders and turned her around to see her face. "What can I do?"

All the energy was gone from her and she came back to the dull aches that emanated from everywhere. Maggie looked away from Bianca's concerned eyes as tears began to slip down her face. Her eyes found the knife in the corner. "I cannot live like this. How did you deal with this? I was convinced they had found us." Maggie reached into the corner and retrieved the knife, showing it to Bianca. "I was ready to stop them"

"Oh, Maggie," Bianca breathed. "You're safe here. They won't come after you again."

"But you don't know that! They could. Michael tracked you down at your mother's almost-wedding, didn't he?" Maggie's eyes bulged slightly at her words. "Oh, God. Bianca, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up. I'm sorry."

Bianca brushed off the reminder of Michael. He had no power over her anymore, dead as he was. "Listen to me," Bianca said evenly. "They don't know you. That's the difference. Michael went after me because of who I am and who my family is. He knew how to find me because of that. These men though, it was random. They don't know you and they won't find you. There's no way. And, you asked me how I dealt. Well, there was you. You were there, pulled me through when I didn't think I could bear to deal anymore. And I will do the same for you, all right?" Bianca lightly pulled Maggie toward her and wrapped her in a hug.

The knife slipped onto the floor between them as Maggie's eyes continued leaking tears, soaking the fabric covering Bianca's collarbone. Maggie desperately tried to believe Bianca, that the random nature of the attack meant the men wouldn't hurt her again. "You're right," Maggie said. "I know you are."

Maggie wanted to believe it, she really did. Logically, she thought Bianca was right, but emotionally? Emotionally, she shuddered against Bianca as she envisioned the eyes of the men, the glares from which cycled between hungry, vicious and predatory. If she ever crossed them again, she would freeze under those eyes and there was no question they would take whatever they wanted.

Bianca held her friend until the shivering subsided. She whispered, "You will get through this. I'll help you," and uncrossed her arms from around Maggie's back, letting her free.

Maggie couldn't look at Bianca. The embarrassment at dissolving into tears again was too much to take, and she feared the look of pity Bianca's eyes might hold if she dared steal a glance at them. And the guilt. Oh, the guilt at dragging Bianca through this. It was too much. Chin against her chest and eyes to the floor, Maggie stood and declared she was taking a shower. "To wash off this residue of this outburst," she said, forcing a light laugh.

"David should be here soon, so you might want to bring clothes into the bathroom rather than coming out here in a robe."

"Right, okay," Maggie said, still avoiding eye contact. "I'll be quick, anyway." She made her way to her clothes, grabbed some and disappeared into the bathroom.

Bianca heaved a sigh, picked up the knife and last grocery bag, and made her way to the kitchen. She didn't know what to do about Maggie. How could she help if Maggie would only let her in to a certain point before pulling away and trying to cover her pain with a quick joke? It wasn't as if Bianca couldn't identify. Lord knows she'd been where Maggie was. But the quick apology Maggie offered after mentioning Michael, well that was the key to the puzzle, wasn't it? The unceasing apologies, the desire to keep the attack hidden from her: Maggie was trying to protect Bianca from thinking about Michael at all. How to convince Maggie that she could handle this? Explicitly telling her didn't seem to do it. Assurances of help didn't open her up. Bianca could only catch her friend in moments of crisis and help her through them. She hoped that would be enough to eventually get Maggie to talk to her.

David arrived while Maggie was still showering. He rushed into the apartment, suspicious. "Okay, Bianca. You want to tell me what's going on? It was a struggle to wait all day, mind you."

"David, it isn't my story to tell. But listen to me, okay, you're going to need to be calm. If you freak out, it won't be good for anyone."

Being told to be calm immediately set off David. "What happened to her? Where is she? Tell me, Bianca."

"She's in the shower. Please, I really mean it. Calm down."

"You can lay it out there like that and expect calm. I don't even know what I have to be calm about. Do you realize how unsettling that is?"

"I know, David, but—"

"Bianca, it's okay. I'll explain it to him," Maggie said from the direction of the bathroom. Her wet hair hung loose, soaking the shoulders of her sweatshirt, but she didn't mind.

David wheeled around at the sound of her voice, took in her black eye and rushed to her side. "What? How did this happen? I just saw you yesterday!"

"A lot can happen in an evening on Front Street, David," Maggie said flatly.

There it was again, Bianca noted. That detached tone of voice. It was almost robotic, with little inflection or emotion to discern.

"What the hell does that mean? Who did this to you? A patient? I'll tear them apart!"

"It wasn't a patient. I don't know who they were. They saw me on the street, walking to my car from the clinic and pulled me into an alley. Somehow, no one heard any of it." Maggie focused her eyes on her hands. She was picking at the skin around her nails.

"And what? They beat you up? Mugged you? Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"They didn't mug me, no. But they did more than hit me." Maggie finally met his eyes and whispered "Don't make me say it to you, too."

The fury on David's face was to a degree Maggie was sure she'd never seen before. She eased away from him slowly, wrapping her arms around herself.

Bianca made her way up to them and stood at Maggie's side when she saw her friend retreating.

David fought to control himself. The urge to throw something, break the window with his fist, anything, rose within him. He focused on his cousin, standing next to her best friend, both of them looking uncomfortable. He bit back the growl he felt and counted to ten while the young women watched him. He counted to twenty. At thirty he shoved his hands in his pockets, took one last deep breath and finally started talking.

"This can't be. How does this happen? Both of you? Both of you in what, six months? Five? No, no, no. What is wrong with the human race?" He looked at Maggie then. "You need to go to the hospital. They need to get any physical evidence that's left to catch these bastards. It's still likely they'll find some. We weren't able to get Michael, but that son of a bitch is gone from this world anyway. They need to be found so I can force feed them the castration chemical I worked up but never had the chance to dose Michael with."

"Please, David," Bianca said. "Stop and take a breath. She's already been to the hospital."

"I drove to Philadelphia last night, after it happened. Went to the ER there. They already collected evidence. It's on hold there if I decide to report it to the cops. I'm sorry to upset you," Maggie averted her eyes as she spoke stoically.

"Why would you drive to Philadelphia? You weren't far from me. I was working until eight. And what do you mean if you decide to report it? You have to. They need to be found and they need to pay for what they've done!"

"I wanted to hide the whole thing. I didn't want anyone to know, to stress anyone out over it. It was all for nothing anyway. I broke down and told Bianca before the night was even over. Good job not stressing anyone, Stone. And now that it's out, I know I should report it. I just don't have it in me right now, okay?" Maggie walked away, over toward the couch where she flopped down heavily. The adrenaline she felt when the delivery woman knocked on the door had long since dissipated, and the relaxation from the shower had evaporated as well. All she was now was a collection of assorted pains that dully and constantly announced themselves to her nervous system.

"David, Maggie's back has these awful scrapes on them. You should look at them. I thought they might be infected. I bought a bunch of different antibiotic creams and some gauze. But I wanted you to check her before we did anything, just to be sure."

David and Bianca, now bearing the assortment of tubes of medicine and gauze, went to the couch, where Maggie sat with her head in her hands. When she stood and gave him permission, David lifted the back of Maggie's shirt and declared the wounds weren't infected. But they should be covered to promote healing. He chose his favorite of Bianca's purchases, spread some over the scrapes and covered them with gauze. He instructed Bianca to help Maggie change the dressing daily until the scrapes were healed.

Maggie sat on the couch again and David, having composed himself sufficiently, sat next to her. Bianca left them alone and headed to the kitchen to heat some of the food that had been delivered earlier in order to ready the dinner she promised David.

"Listen, David," Maggie said, eyes on her hands. "I don't think I'm going to be able to do the internship at the clinic anymore. I can't imagine going back down there. Please don't be angry with me."

"Maggie, please look at me," David said quietly. "I'm not angry. This is not your fault; there's no reason to be angry with you. Understand that. But, I think you should seriously consider reporting this to the police. When the men are found and thrown in jail, you'll get some peace of mind. You can't let this stop you from living your life, pursuing your goals. It may be too fresh to see that now, but keep it in mind. Don't let this define you."

"I'll think about that. But don't expect me over at Front Street anytime soon," Maggie replied. She leaned her head on his shoulder.

The cousins remained frozen in that act of mutual consolation until the last beeps of the microwave signaled dinner was ready.


	9. Chapter 9

Maggie woke at ten the next morning to an empty studio apartment. Sitting up and stretching a little, she realized, thankfully, the aches in her body were receding. It was almost enough to make her dry lips form a smile, but not quite. While the imprints of bodily pain were starting to fade, her mind was another story. Her dreams remained disturbed. Maggie scolded herself as a scene from the previous night flashed into her brain.

She had been having a nightmare and jumped awake. Maggie shook violently, recalling the events of the dream and how closely they mirrored reality. Had she still possessed fingernails of an appreciable length, she would have dug them into the flesh of her stomach to stop herself from screaming. Since they were clipped off at the hospital she settled on pinching herself instead. She managed to wake Bianca anyway, despite her best efforts to be quiet. Though groggy, Bianca seemed to know what happened. She reached around Maggie and held the shaking young woman. Bianca whispered assurances of safety until Maggie, who never said a word, was able to drift back to unconsciousness.

Maggie shook her head, disappointed in herself for allowing Bianca to take on this motherly role. It really was like a child with a bad dream who crawls into bed with her parents to seek comfort. In two days, Maggie had become and eight year old all over again, except this time there was someone around to assuage her fears. Growing up she'd had no one to fill that role—her parents were filled to bursting with their own issues—and Frankie, well she had no right to ask Frankie for anything. Her twin had her own version of their tumultuous upbringing to handle. They never did lean on each other in troubled times; each twin dealt in her own way.

This could not go on. Maggie refused to regress into a child dependent on Bianca's emotional support. With her bare feet dangling over the edge of Bianca's bed, Maggie knew the first step toward ending this developing over-attachment would be to reclaim the fold-out couch as her sleeping space. Maggie hopped out of the bed and removed the pillows as she started to make the bed so it would be ready for Bianca, and only Bianca, that evening.

As she flattened out the sheets, Maggie mused on the fact that Bianca seemed so together in the face of everything that had occurred over the past couple of days. Sure, there had been the initial wide-eyed shock, which quickly gave way to wet-eyed acceptance, and some verbal stumbling, but subsequently, Bianca had been nothing if not strong for Maggie: quick with reassurance when Maggie needed it, ready to drop to the floor with Maggie to hold her when she dissolved into tears and shaking fits. Maggie really had underestimated what Bianca could handle. Then again, she'd always known Bianca had a high tolerance for calamity. But in the grips of her own catastrophe, immediately following the attack, Maggie had thought everyone would break down as much as she. There was no rationalizing people's reactions at that moment. The world was falling in on her and damned if she would allow it to crush her loved ones, too. Maggie could see now, though, that Bianca didn't need to be protected from her bad news. As she had been able to support Bianca, so too would Bianca support her.

But this realization did not mean Maggie would allow herself to fall to pieces every time bad thoughts or memories crept through her mind. Nor would she cast herself any longer as a distressed damsel in need of rescue. It had to stop. She was strong, she reminded herself. She could carry on in the aftermath of this horrific event without handholding or clinging to her best friend.

And suddenly it hit her. All this hiding she had done, it wasn't to protect Bianca. Well, part of it was out of worry for her friend, but overwhelmingly, she knew Bianca could handle anything thrown at her based on the tragedies that had already crashed through her life. Maggie was trying to shield herself from thinking about it, from recognizing her own vulnerability—something she'd always tried to suppress, which was cast right out into the open when the men grabbed her. She didn't want to face the fact that she could be overpowered and have control over her life wrested from her. And so came the hiding, the drive to Philadelphia, the badly-executed excuse for a busted face when Bianca woke her. It was all to keep this overwhelming weakness from being displayed. Maggie never could outright admit to being afraid or exposed in such a way. She had always run away before circumstances might force her to bare her pain and insecurities.

But there was no running for her anymore. She had real roots now, here in Pine Valley, for the first time in her life. A cousin who loved her enough to help set her on the path to pursuing her dream career and a best friend for whom she would walk through fire. Maggie would be a fool to forsake them in order to save herself a modicum of pride. She knew the only thing for her to do was to stop trying to retreat into herself, to stop berating herself for these meltdowns that were, rationally, an understandable reaction to have after such a traumatic experience, and to stop apologizing for something that was in no way her fault.

After David had left the night before, Bianca and Maggie discussed their plans for the next day. Maggie insisted Bianca go about her daily routine and not put anything on hold for Maggie's benefit. She said she needed to return to classes anyway; it was too easy to fall behind in pre-med science classes to skip out on them.

Maggie had been flat out lying when she said she would go to class. She was more than a little afraid of leaving the apartment. This was not something she wanted to admit to her best friend. But now, sitting on the couch with an open chemistry book in front of her and absorbing nothing, she realized she was being foolish. David had told her not to allow what happened to stop her from living her life and that was just what she was doing. But they couldn't expect her to bounce back right away, could they? She needed at least the time it would take for her black eye to fade before she could consider leaving the apartment. Maggie's face twisted in contempt as she envisioned the likely endless questions from her classmates about her bruised face. She might be okay with Bianca and David knowing, but that was the extent of it. It wasn't anyone else's business and she refused to allow random teens and twenty-somethings to probe her for information just to fuel the machine of idle chatter in the PVU dining hall.

With her text book lying ignored in her lap and the cable box clock attesting to the arrival of afternoon, Maggie turned to the door at the sound of a key in one of the locks. She heard Bianca in the hallway, swearing at herself as her keys fell and jangled as they hit the floor. Maggie got to the door before Bianca had engaged the second lock and swung it open.

Bianca did not seem surprised to see her roommate before her, still clad in pajamas.

"I lied," Maggie said. "I couldn't go to class. I'm afraid to leave."

"I had a feeling," Bianca replied. "Didn't think it would be that easy to just up and go so soon." She looked down at the bag in her hands. "I rented some movies. Up for a little distraction? Sappy chick flicks!"

Maggie let go of the door and reached around Bianca, pulling the taller girl into a hug. "You know me too well." Maggie let Bianca go and looked her straight in the face. "I've been doing some thinking this morning. Possibly obsessing. And I want to tell you about where my brain is right now. After a chick flick, anyway. Okay?"

"I was hoping you'd come around. How about before the movie?"

Maggie paused briefly. No more hiding, no more putting things off. "Talk over food?" she said. "I'm in need of some nourishment."


	10. Chapter 10

Hours passed before Bianca and Maggie sat down to their selection of chick flicks. Over lunch, Maggie let Bianca hear every thought in which she'd spent the morning lost. Tears dropped down her cheeks, but Maggie didn't regret them. These were not tears accompanying a breakdown and its irrationality, but sincere ones—signs of reflection. They burned her eyes with honesty. Maggie remained elusive regarding the details of the attack, only directly referring to it as a whole as it informed her recent reactions and thought patterns. Still unable to call the rape what it was, Maggie talked around it with pronouns and related words.

For her part, Bianca was rendered speechless by this openness. She feared that if she spoke to ask a question Maggie might suddenly realize how freely she was expressing herself and would stop talking. And so Bianca bit her tongue, choosing instead to take in everything Maggie said. Tears formed in her eyes as well, and she tried to wipe them away inconspicuously before Maggie felt remorse for making her cry.

Eventually they made it to their movie rentals. Before pressing play on the title screen of the first DVD, Maggie turned to Bianca. "Hey," she said tentatively. "Thanks for listening to all that."

"Thank you for letting me in," Bianca said.

Days passed and Maggie's bruises and scrapes faded. She remained hesitant to leave the apartment but Bianca insisted she get out, even if for a short while. David called daily, pleading with her to visit him at his cabin, never mentioning the clinic, though her professional development was in the back of his mind.

On the Saturday following the attack, Bianca would not relent in her pursuit to spring Maggie from her self-imposed exile from the world outside their apartment. "The fresh air will be good for you," she said. "Besides, it's ridiculously nice out today."

With a persistent Bianca at her side, Maggie did leave the apartment. She had to admit, the unseasonably warm late autumn day was a mood-lifter. It was deceptively colder in their apartment than out on the street amongst people. The pair circled their block a few times. Whenever they heard a male voice or saw a man on the street Maggie would visibly tense for a moment. Bianca caught onto this and steered Maggie toward Bianca's parked car when they neared it on the street.

They drove around Pine Valley with the radio barely audible. Without a comment, Bianca directed the car past the police station and through the surrounding streets. This wasn't lost on Maggie.

"You're so tricky," Maggie said, breaking the silence with a smile. "You know, I was thinking about this anyway yesterday after David called for the hundredth time. I'm not going to feel any safer if I don't try to have those men found. What's the worst that could come of it? They don't find them? At least I won't have any regrets about not standing up for myself. And, obviously, I can't stay holed up in the apartment forever. You won't allow it."

"I was hoping for subtlety. Can't get anything by you, can I?"

"You never really could. You should turn back before I lose my nerve. Will you come in with me, or do you want to just drop me off? Either way."

"I'll stay with you as long as you want me there," Bianca said as she drove back toward the PVPD.

Ultimately, Maggie decided she didn't want Bianca to hear the detailed account of the attack the police would require. She told Bianca she'd call when she needed a ride home, but Bianca insisted on waiting there. She was determined to be there if Maggie suddenly needed her. Filing the report and completing the accompanying interview dragged on for millennia and left Maggie drained. She was glad Bianca was there, waiting with concern etched all over her face, to take her home.

As she lay on the couch that night, Maggie's brain was in overdrive. Whether the police found the men or not, she may never go back to the clinic, never be able to walk down Front Street in order to complete that internship or visit her cousin for lunch. She may never be able to look a man in the eye without initially feeling a twinge of panic. She may never be completely rid of the nightmares that haunted her. She may never be able to look at herself in the full-length bathroom mirror before a shower without seeing the bruises and scrapes that had long since faded. She may never be able to let her mind go quiet without falling into a frighteningly real visualization of the men pulling and shoving, ripping at her clothes with their heavy, callused hands. There were so many things she may never do. But she would never allow what happened to her to stop her world from turning.

She would go back to classes and continue to progress to her goals. She would go to a counselor, something both David and the policewoman who interviewed her suggested. She would be there to help Bianca when the baby was born. She would allow Bianca into her heart and mind more often. She would not let what happened consume her.


End file.
